Do I make you proud?

Perks of being a faculty member in the College of Computer Studies in my Alma Mater, Lyceum of the Philippines University - Batangas, I have this privilege to attend the greatest event every graduating student dream to be in - the Dedication and Recognition Ceremonies. Just this morning started the event with a Thanksgiving Mass, then the main event continous.

As the program gone by, I have witnessed a lot of things I should be proud of and be inspired. The stories of the students that tells us how hard the path they went to get through everything they earned. Some just settled to pass the course, others wished for an award but was given a better blessing. You'll hear stories that can either inspire you, or break you into pieces. The greatness of our program now was we have 5 students who got up to the stage to deliver their valedictory speech. And they would give out a hint of their life during the 3-minute alloted time.

And all of a sudden, it came all through to me one they had played their graduation song, "Do I make you proud?"

A realization I came to think that time while the song ia playing, at the same time all the stories the student shared to us, plus the run of events that happened to me for the past 8 years of my life.

Do I make everyone proud?

My answer? Not really.

I dont know why but it seems everything fall to pieces. Nothing would come out solid of what I am doing. I realized there are a lot of time and effort wasted, opportunities missed, and feelings have been hurt. I don't know what it will be or what might happen. All that I want to do was to make my tears stop falling from my eyes and never make anyone notice I have teary eyes. Everything struck to my heart as if an arrow had pricked in me. Several times. And it was like, here I am, back to zero. Back to everything where I started.

But then, I see these students wave their smiles out as it signals that they have overcome a large obstacled and won over it, I suddenly said to myself, why would I be ashamed of myself? Leaving the grandeur living in the city to live with the people you love and to make memories with the people that make you happy, is the most important decision I made in my life. Though financially it is very very hard to cope, but I am doing it so that I can be a new me.

As I see their eyes smize, no wonder I can overcome my own obstacles. I had done it before like what these students did, why can't I now? I wouldn't be graduated Magna Cum Laude for nothing, right? Hehehe!

Come on, let me just cry it all out to make myself ok. Just for this time.

Again, Congratulations to the Batch 2016 graduates of the College of Computer Studies of my Alma Mater, LPU - Batangas.